Frogurt, You're a Man Now

Hector's ghost saves Frogurt from suicide.

Characters

 * Hector Belch
 * Frogurt Belch

Chapter 2
Benjamin Belch had immigrated to the Earth in the early twentieth century. He ended up in Jamaica, working on a banana farm. He produced off brand bananas for those who couldn’t afford the real thing. They were called bonanos and they were big all across the Caribbean. Life was simple.

Benjamin met a girl and fell in love. Their only son was Hector, father of the thirteen Belch brothers. He grew up swinging from bonano trees on the sunny Jamaican isle. He was educated at the prestigious Anchovy High School. Then he moved to America. He, too, met a girl, Jessica Berkowitz, and they had thirteen children together. Frogurt was right in the middle, but he had a lot of responsibility.

When Jessica was pregnant with their thirteenth son, named Okay because she and Hector had grown bored and lazy after so many years of marriage, Hector left the family for what he assured them would only be a month or two. He felt Jamaica calling him, so he went back and took a job at his alma mater, Anchovy High School. He spoke with his children often, though Frogurt was fully grown by that point.

One day, he was killed by a student there, One-Eyed Willy. The family was devastated, some more than others. The funeral had been a very sad ordeal and was marred by one of the classic Belch arguments. Frogurt was the only one left still standing there when they interred the body. He cried then as he cried now. Despite Jib’s rage and Junior’s religion, Frogurt was the only one to actually see his father’s corpse lowered into the ground.

Here, however, in the car with Frogurt, was the ghost of Hector Belch, to tell the poor frog what destiny really had in store.

“Dad?!” he exclaimed, as he passed a little urine in complete and utter fright.

“That ain’t ya destiny!” Hector said, as jovial and full of life as a dead man can be.

“What?!”

“It ain’t ya destiny to die here, ya idiot!”

“But Dad, how is this possible?” Frogurt asked. “I’m having some sort of pre-suicide hallucination. This is my brain trying to mess with me.”

Hector slapped him upside the head.

“Ya only tryna mess with ya self, Frogurt. Ya ain’t gonna die here.”

“Dad,” said Frogurt. “I know this looks bad, but life really has nothing left in store for me.”

“You don’t know that, ma boy. Ya just a wee frog who ain’t even seen nothing. Listen, Frogurt. I been dead. I been to da other side. I know da troot.”

“Don’t think I don’t know that you’re dead. I’ve had to deal with you being dead for years. I’ve had to be the man, and you know how tough that is for me!”

“Are ya mad at me?”

“Honestly, a little.”

“Well don’t be! It ain’t ma fault that I got stabbed! Frogurt, you’re a man now, and I ain’t around to make sure you understand. Frogurt, ya destiny’s in space.”

“Space, Dad? That’s a little crazy.”

Hector slapped him upside the head again.

“We come from space, Frogurt! There’s a planet out there with your name on it—a planet out there named Belch. Go there, Frogurt. It’s ya destiny to live in da squelchy squelch.”

Frogurt knew deep in his heart that his father was right. He had to go the planet Belch to find the truth. Hector began to become less and less corporeal as he drifted back into the afterlife. Frogurt could see the other side of the Pontiac through him and suddenly realized that they had forgotten something crucial.

“But wait, Dad,” he shouted, reaching out to his father. “Don’t go! How do I get there?”

Hector’s rapidly disappearing face showed a look of confusion.

“Oh. Well, I didn’t think of that.”

Just like that, he was gone, and Frogurt was alone again.

“There’s a planet out there with my name on it. A planet out there, named Belch. Go there, Frogurt, it’s my destiny: to live in the squelchy squelch.”

With a smile on his face and hope for the future on his mind, Frogurt put the car in reverse and began his drive back into the city. Both the rain and his spirits had started to clear up. Looking up, Frogurt thought that he saw a star. He imagined that it was the planet Belch: his homeland and his destination.

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