The Thirteen Belch Brothers

The first book in the epic saga telling the tale of the thirteen sons of Hector Belch.

Frogurt Belch, having gained and lost fame and fortune in a short period of time, decides to kill himself. Before he can send himself careening off a cliff, however, his father's ghost appears to him and tells him that he has a destiny on the far off Planet Belch. Meanwhile, his older brother Eight Crazy Belch wins the election for US government with the help of his brother Slumleg and a damning promise: that he'll die in office.

Followed by The Fourteenth Belch Brother.

Characters

 * Frogurt Belch
 * Jessica Belch
 * Fettucine and Alfredo
 * Hector Belch
 * Eight Crazy Belch
 * Judge Pocket
 * Maximum Loving Robot
 * Tadpolina Belch
 * Hamlet Belch
 * Giblet Belch
 * Goliath Belch
 * Wogner Belch
 * Hector Belch, Jr.
 * Chris Tucker
 * Craig from Craigslist
 * Jib Lanes Belch
 * Senator Rodney Cocker
 * Bobby Meehard
 * One Eyed Willie
 * Boomer Belch
 * George Bartendo
 * Mack DeKnife
 * Bertrand Cocker
 * Hasdrubal Beetle
 * Grant Truckerton
 * Quentin "Q-Bawl" Balucci
 * Carl Wachowski
 * Peter Wachowski
 * Ramir Ramirez
 * Kaz Shmir
 * Rhombus Shape
 * George Yoinkel
 * Larry Protein
 * Kingof Burpee
 * Benjamin Belch I
 * Mlachem
 * Bianca Belch
 * Marky Malibu
 * Daedalus Belch
 * Morrison Belch
 * Judge Bucket
 * The Devil's Advocate
 * Mother Tucker
 * Cock Tucker
 * Billy Tucker
 * Wally Bailey
 * Smellbound Marshall
 * Zachary Smith
 * Jed Smith
 * Annie Smith
 * Judge French Dogfood
 * Ugly Man
 * Lizardo Montalbomb
 * Boytoy Toyboy
 * The Warden
 * Ratfinky
 * The Glutton
 * Ukrainian President
 * Draculos Rasputinov
 * Leslie Lieberman-Steinberg
 * Benjamin Belch II
 * Mama Pajama
 * Papa Wheely
 * George W. Bush the Waiter
 * Brooklyn Osterback
 * Mina Corvina
 * Leroy Jones
 * Okay Belch
 * Junior Belch
 * Jeremy Piven

CHAPTER ONE – The Long, Awful Drive
Frogurt drives to the cliff to kill himself

CHAPTER TWO – Frogurt, You’re a Man Now
Hector's ghost saves Frogurt

CHAPTER THREE – Eight Crazy for Government
Eight Crazy announces that he's running

CHAPTER FOUR – The Debate
Eight Crazy debates the Maximum Loving Robot

CHAPTER FIVE – Eyes Like His Own
Tadpolina warns Slumleg about Eight

CHAPTER SIX – Mama’s Permission
Frogurt tells his mother his plans

CHAPTER NINE – Promise Repromised
Slumleg asks Eight to change his mind

CHAPTER TEN – Private Investigators, Inquire Within
Slumleg hires Chris Tucker and Craig from Craigslist

CHAPTER THIRTEEN – The Search for One-Eyed Willie
Jib Lanes searches for One Eyed Willie

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN – The Assassin's Guild
Chris Tucker and Craig from Craiglist go to the assassins' guild

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – It Hits the Fan
Ramir kills Eight Crazy